What to do once you dont want to do anything

“The measure of your success usually comes down to who wins the battle that rages between the two of you. The ‘you’ who wants to stop, give up, or take it easy, and the ‘you’ who chooses to beat back that which would stand in the way of your success - complacency.” Chris Widener

In all of my interactions with people, I've never found anyone, regardless of their level of success, who doesn't sometimes find themselves simply not wanting to do the things that they need and want to do. It is a part of human nature that there will be times that, in spite of all that we need to do, and even desire to, we will find ourselves not wanting to do anything. And what separates those who will become successful from those who will maintain the status-quo, is the ability at those very crucial moments of time when we are making decisions about what we will do, to choose to find the inner motivation that will enable us to conquer our complacency and move on in action.

I find that I confront this issue in my life on a regular basis, so the following success strategies are not merely pie in the sky techniques, but proven ways to get yourself to go even when you don't feel like doing anything.

Honestly evaluate whether or not you need a break

This is the first thing that I usually do what I find that I don't want to get to a specific action. The fact is that oftentimes we will have been working very hard and the lethargy we are feeling is really our body and emotions telling us that we simply need a break. And this is where it takes real intellectual honesty because when we don't need a break our mind is still telling us we need a break! But sometimes we do need a break. I'll give you a good example. I don't particularly like to exercise, but I do almost every day. Sometimes, I find myself before going to the club thinking about how I just didn't feel like going. Most of the time I am just being lazy. However, sometimes I realize that my body needs a break. So from time to time I will take a one or two daybreak from working out. The benefits of this are two-fold: One, my body gets a break to regenerate itself. Two, after a day or two, I begin to miss my workout, and eagerly anticipate a turning to the gym.

Other examples: Perhaps you are a salesman who has been phoning clients for a week straight, day and night. You wake up one morning and just don’t feel like doing it any more. Well, take a break for the morning. Go to a coffee shop and read the paper. Go to the driving range and hit some golf balls. Take a break and then get back to it!

Start small

I'm at a point in my workout schedule now where a typical workout day for me consists of 30 to 45 minutes of aerobic exercise, and about 30 minutes of weight lifting. So when I find myself not wanting to get up and go to the gym, I will sometimes make a commitment to go and just do a smaller workout. Instead of deciding not to go, I'll commit to doing 15 to 20 minutes of aerobic exercise and 15 to 30 minutes of weight lifting. This is also good for two reasons. One, I actually get some exercise that day. And two, it keeps me from getting into a cycle of giving up when I don't feel like moving toward action.

Other examples: Maybe you are a writer who simply doesn’t want to write today. Instead of the long day writing you had planned, decide that you will at least outline a couple of new articles. You will at least get these done, and you may have found that you put yourself into the writing mood after all.

Change your routine

I have found that what keeps me in the best shape and burns the most calories for me, is to do 30 to 45 minutes on the treadmill every day. Now let me be very blunt. I find running on the treadmill to be extremely boring. Usually I can get myself to do it, but sometimes I need to vary my routine. So instead of 30 to 45 minutes on a treadmill, I will break down my aerobic exercise routine into a number of different areas. I will do ten to 15 minutes on treadmills, 10 to 15 minutes on the reclining cycle, 5 to 10 minutes on the rowing machine, 5 to 10 minutes on the stair stepper, and then back on to the treadmill for five to 10 minutes. I still get my exercise, but I'm bored a lot less.

Other examples: Maybe you are in construction and you have been working on the plumbing for a week, and it is getting monotonous. Don’t do the plumbing today! Go frame-in the office.

Reward yourself

One way that I motivate myself to do something when I don't feel like doing it, is to tell myself that if I get through the work that I need to, I will give myself a little reward. For instance, I may tell myself if I to get up and go to the club I can take five to 10 minutes off my treadmill exercise, which will shorten my workout routine, and I'll allow myself to sit in the hot tub for a few extra minutes. Hey, it works!

Other examples: Maybe you are a mortgage broker who feels like sleeping in. Tell yourself that after the next three mortgages you close you will take your kids to the fair, or your spouse to the movies. Maybe you’ll give yourself a night on the town with old friends.

Reconnect the action with pleasure rather than pain

Psychologists have long told us that we humans tend to connect every action with either pleasure or pain. Tony Robbins has popularized this even further in the last few years with something he calls Neural Associations. That is, we connect every action with either a pleasure, or pain. When we are finding ourselves lacking motivation, what we are probably finding about ourselves is that we are associating the action that we are thinking about with pain, rather than pleasure. For instance, when I'm considering that not going to the health club on any given day, I am usually associating going and working out with having no time, the pain of exercising and weight lifting, or the boringness of running on a treadmill for an extended period of time. What I can do to re-associate is to remind myself that by going in and doing my exercise I will feel better about myself, I will lose weight, and I will live longer. This brings me pleasure. When we begin to run those kinds of tapes through our minds, we find our internal motivating force unleashed and changing our attitude about the action that we are considering.

Other examples: Maybe you are a counselor who really doesn’t want to spend the day listening to people. Your association may be that it will be boring, or that you will be inside while it is sunny outside. Instead, re-associate yourself to the truth of the matter: Someone will be better off because of your care and concern. Think of your clients and the progression they have been making recently and how you have been a part of that.

Whats Character and how we define it?

A lot of times, we hear people talk about someone as a man of character. Other times, someone might be described as an unreliable character. Sometimes, we hear them referred to as quite a character !

When people begin to talk about character, there could be a dozen different shades to their tone. They might be sounding impressed, awed, disgusted, frightened, amused, bemused or a combination of these reactions.

What exactly is character ? The dictionary would tell you that it is, basically, an attribute or a quality that defines a person. This means that you are defined by a certain set of habits, qualities or attitudes and these form the basis upon which you character is judged.

Character can have positive or negative associations. For instance, when someone is called a man of character, the unsaid adjective is a positive one. It means that he is ethically and morally upright and can be trusted.

When someone is just a character, it means that he is unique. He could be funny, awkward, interesting or ridiculous. But he has a strong distinctive personality that sets him apart from others.

Every attribute of you goes into the building of your character. If someone were to describe YOU as a character, they would take into consideration all aspects of your personality, including your physical appearance, your social habits, your psychological reactions and other people’s perception of your strengths. In fact, the last aspect – other people’s perceptions of you character – is what goes into giving you a reputation, whether positive or negative.

Problems faced in jobs - Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is all about being forced into a certain way of living, dressing, talking, socializing and even thinking – simply because that is how everyone else you know behaves, dresses, talks, socializes and thinks.

This is common amongst people who generally mix with people their own age. And mind you, this is definitely not restricted to youngsters. People across all age groups are subject to peer pressure. An office-worker is subject to as much pressure from his or her peers as a young college student.

All of us wish to gain and retain the respect and admiration of our peers. After all, we have to believe that others are our equals before we want to impress them. And if we cannot win their approval, we struggle to ensure that we dont face their disapproval or ridicule either. It can be terribly painful to watch a peer humiliating us or even speaking negatively about us.

The matter of peer pressure becomes particularly difficult for youngsters because, thanks to the demands of education, they spend almost ninety percent of their waking hours with their peers. And they rarely have the choice of not mixing with those particular peers.

Young people can be often blunt and insensitive in their dealings with each other. And they are very quick to notice differences of habit, dress and social behavior. As a result, you might compelled to buy the latest fashions in clothes and accessories. Because everyone else does the same, regardless of cost or comfort. You might end up reading what they read, watching the same television programs and movies that others watch and using the same language that they use. Because, otherwise, you feel left out of all the conversation. You might end up staying out late at night or eating out all the time, simply because that is what the others do, regardless of whether you can afford to or not.

The best way to counter peer pressure is to select your friends very carefully. Preferably, your friends should be in a mixed group of people. That keeps everyone rooted and more tolerant of differences.

The second is to muster your courage and to tell people to mind their own business, if and when they begin to interfere with your life. Sure, a few people may be offended. But they will also learn to be less offensive themselves, in future.

And most importantly, you have to remember that you are an individual and a unique one. And your decisions to eat, drink, dress, talk, go out, read or think are your own. If others dont share these interests or habits, too bad. Let your peers and friends catch up with you. If they cant, find new friends.

The Problems faced in

Peer pressure is all about being forced into a certain way of living, dressing, talking, socializing and even thinking – simply because that is how everyone else you know behaves, dresses, talks, socializes and thinks.

This is common amongst people who generally mix with people their own age. And mind you, this is definitely not restricted to youngsters. People across all age groups are subject to peer pressure. An office-worker is subject to as much pressure from his or her peers as a young college student.

All of us wish to gain and retain the respect and admiration of our peers. After all, we have to believe that others are our equals before we want to impress them. And if we cannot win their approval, we struggle to ensure that we dont face their disapproval or ridicule either. It can be terribly painful to watch a peer humiliating us or even speaking negatively about us.

The matter of peer pressure becomes particularly difficult for youngsters because, thanks to the demands of education, they spend almost ninety percent of their waking hours with their peers. And they rarely have the choice of not mixing with those particular peers.

Young people can be often blunt and insensitive in their dealings with each other. And they are very quick to notice differences of habit, dress and social behavior. As a result, you might compelled to buy the latest fashions in clothes and accessories. Because everyone else does the same, regardless of cost or comfort. You might end up reading what they read, watching the same television programs and movies that others watch and using the same language that they use. Because, otherwise, you feel left out of all the conversation. You might end up staying out late at night or eating out all the time, simply because that is what the others do, regardless of whether you can afford to or not.

The best way to counter peer pressure is to select your friends very carefully. Preferably, your friends should be in a mixed group of people. That keeps everyone rooted and more tolerant of differences.

The second is to muster your courage and to tell people to mind their own business, if and when they begin to interfere with your life. Sure, a few people may be offended. But they will also learn to be less offensive themselves, in future.

And most importantly, you have to remember that you are an individual and a unique one. And your decisions to eat, drink, dress, talk, go out, read or think are your own. If others dont share these interests or habits, too bad. Let your peers and friends catch up with you. If they cant, find new friends.

How to motivate yourself

A few steps to motivate yourself :) I guess you will be motivated...

1. Find a true interest in what you are doing. If you have no interest at all, it might mean you need to do something else. On the other hand, if it's just a task you dislike, relate it clearly in your mind to the greater goal. I don't particularly like to drive, but I don't have a motivation problem when I am driving to the mountains for a vacation.

2. Create energy. You need some energy for self motivation. Caffeine may help for a while, if it doesn't create other problems for you. You can also exercise and sleep well. Watch out for sugary foods - the "sugar blues" will kill your motivation. When you find energy boosters that work for you, make a list and keep it handy for future use.

3. Talk your way to motivation. This is one of my favorite ways to create energy and motivation. By the time I tell my wife about the article I'm going to write, I'm out of my slump and back at the keyboard. If the task itself is less inspiring, talk about the larger goals it will help you achieve.

4. Stimulate desire. Imagining their potential future motivates many to sign up for get-rich-quick plans. Good salesmen can put you in your imagined dream home in minutes, and you'll feel motivated to do anything to make it real. Why not learn to be your own salesman?

5. Stimulate pain. An effective Neuro-Linguistic Programming technique is to link pain with not acting. This is what happens when you finally stop hitting that snooze button on the alarm because you think you might lose your job. Imagine any bad consequences that may occur if you don't do what you need to do.

6. Start with any small step. I have found that if I commit to raking up one bag of leaves, I soon want to finish the yard work. Training yourself to take any small step towards your goals is a great self motivation technique. Breaking larger goals down into small steps makes this even easier.

The 10 best times for people to.....

One of my readers sent me this great piece on productivity. While most of these about general well being and therefore non-personal finance related, understand that without a healthy mind and body, money is unimportant.

1. Best time to Study - When you wake up in the morning, you will probably feel tired and dizzy. However, once you wash your fast, you will be energized and refreshed. This is also the time where your mind is the clearest, so studying in early morning will help you remember everything much easier!
2. Best Time to Exercise - It’s great to go out for a walk in the morning because air is the freshest during that time. It can not only help clear your mind but is great for your body as well!
3. Best Time to Eat Fruits - One hour before a meal is best. This is because as fruits are mostly eaten cold, eating it first before your hot meal won’t cause your body to increase excessive white blood cell production. This is good to protect your immune system.
4. Best Time for Training - The best time for training is in late afternoon / early evening. The reason is because this time is when your body is performing at the best. In other times of the day, your blood pressure and heart beats are usually higher, so training during those times are harmful to your body.
5. Best Time to Shower - Right before bedtime is usually the best time to shower, as it relaxes your joints and muscles to give you a better night’s sleep.
6. Best Time to Sleep - For afternoon nap, it’s best to do it after 1pm because that’s the time when your body is the most sluggish. At night, going to bed at 10 to 11pm is best. This is due to the fact that a human’s deep sleep usually happens around 2-3am, and the fact that it takes a body approximately 1 and a half hours to get into deep sleep.
7. Best Time to Brush Your Teeth - 3 minutes after every meal. This is because acid will start to be broken down from the food, which start damaging your teeth.
8. Best Time for Skin Care - Skin care is best done at night because that’s when your skin is in recovery mode. (It is also the time when no one else other than your spouse are looking at you!)
9. Best Time to Drink Tea - Definitely not within one hour after a meal, as drinking tea may block the absorption of non-heme iron. Therefore, it is wise to wait one hour after your meal to allow the nutrition to be fully absorbed.
10. Finally, Best Time to be Financially Responsible - All the time. Period.

how to stop worrying and why

Why you should stop worrying

Everybody has worried about something in their lives, but do you realise the cost of worrying on your energy and your health?

What does it mean to worry?

“Worrying is when somebody frets about something that may or may not happen in the future”

You’ll notice that the above statement has two key phrases in it “….may or may not happen…” and “…in the future.” When we worry we are actually projecting ourselves and the things we worry about into the future. When we project ourselves into the future we are laying a seed for something to happen. Let me explain this a little better by way of an example:

When you got out of bed this morning you automatically project yourself into the future by asking yourself what you are going to do next. You don’t consciously ask yourself it’s a habit, so you won’t notice yourself asking you’ll automatically project your thoughts into the future. When you get up your first thoughts might be:

“I’ll make a cup of coffee”

“I’ll brush my teeth.”

“I’ll take the dog for a walk.”

“I’ll get the kids lunches ready for school.”

“I’ll get the kids up for school.”

There are a hundred little ‘future projections’ going on in your head from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. Here’s the thing, most of these ‘future projections’ will happen as you have given your mind an action to take and your mind will work out ways to best fulfil your wish. Your mind is there to be commanded and most of the time it will fulfil every command you give it. With bigger wishes it will take longer but it is always working for you to find ways to fulfil your wishes.

Now, here’s the real sting in the tail. Your mind does not know the difference between a positive wish and a negative wish. To your mind, a wish is a wish whether it be a good or a bad one.

Right now my mind is working on lots of different wishes that I have commanded it to work on simply by voicing the wish internally, imagining the wish, voicing the wish externally, and thinking about it often. I firmly believe that as soon as I think about something, the thought has the power to make something else happen until a desired goal is reached.

This is the same for a worry. I used to constantly worry about my children and the fact that something might happen to them if I wasn’t around to protect them. I do the same with my wife. I have to consciously stop myself from thinking about all the things that could happen to her if I am not there to protect her. When my wife goes out in the morning I used to think ‘oh it’s a bit dark outside what if someone were to attack her and nobody would see it happening’ or ‘it’s a bit icy outside she might fall and hurt herself’. These thoughts are actually harmful to me and possibly even harmful to my family as my thoughts might cause another action to happen to make that ‘wish’ come true.

The anatomy of a worry wish

Here is what happens to our bodies and minds when we worry about something:

• Initially, we will internally vocalise the ‘worry wish’ for example, if you ask your son, who is 14 years old and responsible, to go to the shops for a loaf of bread you might worry ‘What if he get’s run over when I ask him to cross that busy road to get to the shops for a loaf of bread.’ You then have a few choices; you go to the shop yourself, you postpone going to the shop, you tell him to be careful when crossing the road, you carry on worrying about.

• When you carry on worrying about it you form a mental picture in your head. This is called visualisation, which is a very powerful way of achieving your goals in life. When you visualise something in your head your mind thinks it is actually happening and takes the appropriate action and responses. So in your mind you see your son getting knocked down by a car, your body starts producing and pumping adrenaline round your body in preparation for a shock, your blood pressure goes up slightly, your heartbeat rate increases dramatically, blood is taken away from your vital organs in order to give more blood to your muscles in preparation for you to start running and give you more muscle strength. Then you son walks in and your body starts relaxing after 15 minutes to a few hours. That is only after 1 worry thought.

• You them might give the thought even more power by telling your friends at work what you worried about this morning. In other words you are externally vocalising your worry wish. What happens then? Your friends will start telling you about the time when one of their friends son was knocked down and what happened to them after that. This gives even more power to the worry wish as you head is full of worry and everything that could happen. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, your mind is working hard to fulfil your wishes, it’s saying ‘Jesus! They must really want this bad, that’s them telling me privately, then they have given me an image to work on and they have now voiced it out to their friends, I better work hard on making this happen.’

• You then decide that you will not ask your son to cross the road in the future to go to the shops you will always go yourself. Problem solved!

That decision that was just made might not be a good one as your son will then never become road smart which might lead to problems in the future.

This could go on and on. Basically, the more you worry about something the more power you give the worry.

People who worry a lot are undoubtedly a lot less healthy than people who don’t worry as much.

How to stop worrying

There’s no point in writing about this if I wasn’t going to try and help you to become less of a worrier.

Here are a few action plans you can take to worry less:

1. Learn to accept uncertainty

People who worry a lot don’t like uncertainty in their lives and because they cannot control the dangers in life for themselves and their loved ones they worry even more. You have to accept uncertainty in your life. Accept the fact that you love someone enough, including yourself, to worry about them, but you cannot control what may or may not happen.

People who worry say it prepares them for something that might happen. This is not the case, when you constantly worry you are taking away all that is good from life and you are choosing to focus on the bad things that might happen. When you catch yourself worrying make a point of thinking about something good which is going on in your life just now. I am not saying never worry, I’ll talk about this later, but be balanced and think about the good things in life.

2. Designate a time to worry

This might sound ridiculous. When I used to worry about my family I weaned myself of the worry wishes by catching myself worrying and then postponing it until a certain time of the day, usually 1pm when it was my lunch break. By the time lunch break came around the worry wish had disappeared. Not all worry wishes are like this but you will find most worry wishes will completely go out of your head if you postpone them until later in the day.

3. Designate a time for gratitude

This is extremely powerful and can help drastically change your worrying nature. I constantly, internally, thank my external force for everything I have in life. This is not religious, I believe in a force outside ourselves and whatever that force is I thank it for my life, for being alive, for my family, for my friends, for everything. This takes time away from the worry wishes and actually drowns them out to a degree if practiced every single day. I usually do my thanking in the morning but catch myself being grateful all the time.

4. Learn to relax

Worrying causes stress and anxiety which can lead to health problems. It is important to learn how to relax. You can do this by doing something you enjoy or learning how to meditate, or buy a guided meditation, whatever it is make sure it relaxes you and calms you for a period of time. Reading is also very good for relaxing and building up the brain muscles at the same time.

5. Stand up to your worry wishes

Just because you start worrying about something doesn’t mean to say you have to continue listening to the worry. Start to stand up to your worries and ask yourself for evidence of the worry, the probability of the worry happening, look at a more positive spin on the worry, and another great way is to pretend you are talking to a good friend and they were telling you the worries that are going through you head, what would you say to them?

I hope this helped some people who are worriers, I know what it’s like and it can be a real drain on your energy.

Here are some more resources you might find useful:

Self help strategies for anxiety relief - helpguide.org

How to stop worrying - mind.org

Undo the worrying habit - anxietyculture.com

7 Ways to stop worrying when under pressure - wishfulthinking.co.uk